Hello,
I have been browsing this website for about a month and have been relieved in reading the posts here. When I found these boards, I was literally shocked because I thought I was alone in leaving Christianity. I was also thinking of starting a website like this one but now I will support this website because of the encouragement it has already given me.
Let's see if I can briefly tell my story:
I grew up in a fundamental, baptist, bible-believing home. It was a very restrictive backround to the extreme that wearing pants was a sin. My parents and I became Christians when I was about six years old. We attended a very liberal Southern Baptist church for about a year, then we later began attending a very conservative Baptist church and that is when hell really began in my life.
All of a sudden everything my faminly did in the past was an abomination to God. I remember some woman talking to my mom about how we dressed and why it was asin. My mom was given sewing patterns so we could have the right clothes to wear. Walking in the church w/ pants would send you to hell. I also started attending their school and my head has been really screwed up since then.
That's how the insanity started. I was a zealous little Christian. I believed everything I was taught and ws very courious about life. I even witnessed to my tiny friends and one of them got saved! ( 
Yipee!) Of course I shoved the bible down her throat so she had to become a Christian. I also had a unique way of telling others about Christ, so I wasn't obvious. I learned the Romans road (if you know what that is) so I would present the "gospel " perfectly. This was all during my formative years.
In my teens, reality hit. I started doubting and questioning within myself. The bible didn't make any sense and neither did life. When I would ask questions aloud I was either reprimanded or mocked because of the so-called absurdity of the questions. So much for the "love of Christ". I didn't see any love at all and I was constantly around the perfect models of Christianity. I was in the inner circle of the pastor and was treated like dirt! I saw evil in the bible and I saw evil around me. I believed in the devil and ther seemed to be no God, so in the years following I quickly become an atheist. (I used to call myself a 'Christian atheist'. A Christian Atheist! How could I call myself that?!)
Well, after a big shock came along in my life, I dove whole-heartedly into fundamentalism. I would say I did that because I was so lonely at the time and felt I had no choice. Before I got back into Christianity, I had taken a public stand against God in my Christian school. I received a lot fire from my teachers and was told how disappointed because thy thought I was a good Christian example before that. I was alienated and treated like garbage. (Again so much fotr the "love of Christ".) I have always been the kind of person who never followed the crowd and always came to my own conclusions about anything. I had no friends after this; I had nothing. I hated being alone and after a year, I joined back w/ the herd. I would say I was coaxed back into the herd by a loving family (definitely not my own) and joined the youth group in my senior year of high school. I was fully accepted w/ all my doubts and Christian inadequacies which I think for anyone would be irresistable. I felt loved for just me for the first time in my life.
That 'honeymoon' lasted for about two years. Then there was a church split and everyone I cared about moved away.
Let me stop the sob story and cut to the chase.
I church-hopped for about seven years. I never knew waht I was looking for. I was doubting big time and didn't feel could tell anyone. So I just thought it was god testing my faith. I was in private anguish. In the last three years, I started challenging everything I ever believed in and why I ended up where I am today. I was completely sheltered in that religion and never learned to really think for myself. When I got back into Christianity, I lost myself in the religion and forgot who I was. In my teens I was right on the money, questioning and doubting. So in the last three years, I have rediscovered who I am and it has been awesome. Unfortunately, during this transformation I have been surrounded by Christians who adamately oppose my growth. I just consider this opposition a way of strengthing me. I have not been swayed from my path because of it.
I have to go now.
I'll share more later. Thanks.
