|
snakechic
|
1# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:3507
From:
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/19/2005 01:01:07)
Hiya Mike...........welcome
hope your expectations aren't too high...relax.
--------------------------------------------------------------
In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
|
|
Shadowself
|
2# |
Status:
From:
Registered:
01/16/2004
Time spent:
1773 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/19/2005 18:52:15)
Welcome Mike.
There are parts of my childhood that were not so hot either. I sometimes still struggle with issues as an adult because of poor role models, the effects of authoritarian thinking (ties right in with fundamentalism), memories of abuse, and such. What I try to do is find a few items from my childhood that were good, as in an experience that actually was positive (if you look hard enough, you will find some...the negative can drown them out if you let it), or, as in looking at a bad experience which I now see I handled well at the time (kind of self praise: "Remember that time so-and-so did such-and-such to you? Wow, you stood up for yourself, even though you took some punishment for it. Good job, Shadowself.").
If you honestly have nothing good or positive to look back on, then don't bother looking at the past, except maybe to consider it a learning experience in what types of people and situations to avoid. Concentrate on the present, and how you can improve yourself. Do things you enjoy. Live your life the way you want to. You gave a list of things you have right now: parents and friends who love you, and are loved by you, personal talent...take these things and focus on them. Don't give up hope, Mike!
--------------------------------------------------------------
A big revelation in my professional training was that humans can learn skills for living and relating. We don"t have to be desperate for a miracle of God to make us decent.--Marlene Winell
|
|
Mike_il
|
3# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:5
From:
Registered:
12/18/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/20/2005 03:03:09)
Reply to : Shadowself
Welcome Mike.There are parts of my childhood that were not so hot either............
Thank you for trying to cheer me up!
You know, I look ahead, some -say- 10 years from now, and I'm worried I may regret not living the present (current time) and instead rethinking the past and dwelling in it...
That drives me to excel, that makes me wanna kick everything aside and just concentrate on what's in front of me, tangible, real.
There is no stronger motivation than the prospect of seeing myself thriving someday in the future, soaring up, leaving it all behind.
Only, some things are easier said than done. We are not robots, we can't control our feelings.
And so, I condition myself into going through the motions, in the hopes that someday I'll be able to rid myself of this burden I carry with me, day in and day out, I hope going through the motions for a long period of time, will get me used to things not going sour on me all the time.
I guess I HAVE gotten used to being sad all the time and I've accepted it as a constant fixture in my life.
When I think about it, my true core is not gloomy or despondent by nature, far from it.
I'm adventurous and cheerful and I want to have faith in the world and in people. So, I have that going for me, I can work on that.
You said you went through your own troubles and woes when you were little... What kind of things did you go through? How do you channel your energy into focusing on the things that you do in your life, rather than get stuck on the bad stuff?
You know, there is a common phrase in Hebrew that means something like - The trouble of the mass is the stupid's solace. It basically means that when people look at other people's pain and derive solace out of not being the only one in pain, it is utterly stupid. Well, I used to think I was the only one going through all these problems and that I was the only one beating myself up for it... Knowing I'm not the only one may not bring solace, but it does make me normal.
We can Email/private-message, if you want to, or we can keep it here...
Mike.
|
|
imZoe
|
4# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:11
From:
Registered:
07/17/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/21/2005 17:22:46)
|
|
Shadowself
|
5# |
Status:
From:
Registered:
01/16/2004
Time spent:
1773 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/21/2005 21:03:25)
Reply to : Mike_il
You said you went through your own troubles and woes when you were little... What kind of things did you go through? How do you channel your energy into focusing on the things that you do in your life, rather than get stuck on the bad stuff?
Some physical and emotional abuse in my dysfunctional family, some sexual abuse by a non-family member. I was often the kid who was picked on. I only made a few friends when I was in school; people called me "shy" and I thought I was (as in personality-wise), now I think I just lacked social skills as they were not taught in my family. As a young adult, I didn't know what to do or how to live on my own. I guess it was assumed that, as a girl, I'd get married like my older sisters and have someone support me. That didn't happen; I found religion instead which temporarily gave me courage to move into adulthood, seeking the training and info I needed to live, but I slowly began to outgrow religion and used my newfound courage to leave the church behind and move on with my life. I still can get hung up on past memories and issues because of fundy family members, religious news going on in the country, etc., but I just try to focus on the present, choosing to view how far I've come in my adult development. I'm still growing!
Start reading through the other threads in the forum; especially in the support area. You'll find more of my experiences plus those of many others who also are dealing with the problems of childhood. You are not alone; in fact, I doubt if there is anyone alive who could claim to have a perfect family and childhood. "There ain't no sech critter in these woods"! It's just a case of degree in which we may differ.
I don't know the extent of your problems; your description sounds rather bad ("My bank of memories is so jam-packed with misery, that if I had to come up with just one happy memory, I'd have to sort through millions of miserable ones to get to one that's not so sad. Just one."). I don't know if your problems are caused only by your environment, or also includes chemical imbalances or neurological problems (and there is nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it! Just want to make that point.  ). And I'm certainly not a doctor or councilor. So you just have to search yourself and ask what you want out of life, and develop an action plan to bring it about. Reading self-help materials and visiting this forum may be enought. This is what I have done; found books, tapes, people that offer a new way of thinking other than the limited way that I was brought up on. I think of it as retraining my brain! You also may need professional help. If you do, get what you need, and take over your life! (Shadowself cartwheels across the forum, tumbling to a kneeling stop, pom-poms raised high above her head, shouting "Go Mike, go Mike, Goooooooo Miiiiiiike!")
--------------------------------------------------------------
A big revelation in my professional training was that humans can learn skills for living and relating. We don"t have to be desperate for a miracle of God to make us decent.--Marlene Winell
|
|
Jezebel Rising
|
6# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:338
From:
Registered:
09/18/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/22/2005 01:06:32)
Hi Mike!
I'm not going to claim that I have a classic triumph-over-adversity story that soon will be the TV Movie-of-the Week, that would not only be dishonest, but also simply insulting. I cannot pretend to have all the answers.
What I can tell you is that I was sexually abused for many years, and I've had problems with emotional availability and suicidal tendencies ever since. Not to mention the right-wing extremists who have hijacked my country and are trying to remove the concept of justice from the law with their anti-human rights, anti-environment agenda.
What has helped me, though, is telling people what was bothering me. When I told my best freind about what happened to me as a child, and I felt stupid for even mentioning it, but her reaction was 180o the opposite of what I expected. This situation repeated itself with other friends. One girl even threatened to kill him. Along the road, I have found that the fears that have consumed me- school, work, if anyone loves me- were in most cases unfounded, triggered by my self-disgust and virulent hatred of myself. Me sharing my experience not only relieved me of an intolerable burden, but brought me and my friends (in many cases, we were drifting apart) closer.
So stick around; we'd miss you too much if something happened to you. It's always great to see a fresh opinion on the forum and from my own personal experience, this forum has been nothing but wave after wave of kindness and support. Welcome to the forum; I think you're going to like it here.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"I"m not a witch, but I wish I was. If I live I"d be a witch now after what they have done. I"ll burn their crops and kill their animals. I"ll stir up such storms. I"ll scatter their ships across the world. If I could meet with the devil right now, I would give him anything for power, for he is the only way to power for women in this world. I shouldn"t have been afraid of Ellen, I should have learnt. Oh, if I only had magic, I"d make them feel it."
Caryl Churchill, "Vinegar Tom"
"It might be the greatest thing ever invented, but if it"s invented, then it"s not worth dying for."
Taj Bachmann, former missionary
|
|
Mike_il
|
7# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:5
From:
Registered:
12/18/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/22/2005 08:34:33)
Reply to : Shadowself
Reply to : Some physical and emotional abuse in my dysfunctional family...................................................
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!
You're so sweet!
Umm... I can relate to some of the things you mentioned. Most people take socializing and being a "grownup" for granted. It just doesn't seem to them as something that needs to be learnt.
I'm still trying to hold on to childhood, I still try to be a child... It has two meanings: (1) I goof around like a boy sometimes and (2) I don't take responsibility for my life as an adult.
One reason would be that I still want to have had some sort of childhood when I'm older... I long to feel what it's like to be a child. And the other - I don't quite know how to be an adult... I lack the tools.
As for socializing - I still find myself out of my elements sometimes, and even though I have huge curiosity (sometimes overflowing curiosity) for being around people and finding new people, I've lately realized that even after having known some of my friends for quite some time now, I still don't always know how to behave around them. I'm talking about little things - of course I know them well enough and we love each other and know each other's characters...
Most people have a lifetime to master their social skills, starting with infancy... I seem to have skipped many stages...
As for my past... I won't get into all the details (it would fill LONGGG pages and would bring a lot of tears to my eyes...) but - in a nutshell - I was sent to a boarding school, a young emotional kid with lots of love inside of him, getting ripped out of his home... I'll never forget nor forgive my parents for abandoning me like that! I still scream at them for it sometimes, it's a burning wound in my heart that just won't scab! I went through some hideous things there.
When my so-called father (to whom I haven't spoken a word in about a year now) got me out of the boarding school, it was for selfish-slimy reasons, to get back at my mother and incite me against her (that's how I first learned the meaning of the words "bitch", "slut", "whore" - you get the point...)
Needless to say, I came to hate him, I don't want anything to do with him, I don't consider him my father, other than a reference to him or the fact that he inseminated my mother's eggs.......................................................................
|
|
Mike_il
|
8# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:5
From:
Registered:
12/18/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:12/22/2005 21:46:28)
Reply to : justine23
Hi Mike! I'm not going to claim that I have a classic triumph-over-adversity story that soon will be the TV Movie-of-the Week.....................................
Thank you for the warm welcome, my friend.
I see so many hurting people in this world, and, instead of it making me feel better to know I'm not the only one, it heightens my disappointed view of this world.
Your case is an example of a man who was molested by this world and became a better-warmer person.
I bet we both would not be so sensitive for people's pain, if we hadn't been hurt so much in our childhood.
But taking the bad and the "good" into consideration, I would much rather be a selfish, unfeeling person, than to have gone through all that I have. It's just too big a price to pay.
I do share my past with some (male) friends of mine, and they do want to help, they wish they could do something about it, but to tell you the truth, it hasn't helped me the way it has helped you. They don't really know how to deal with this kind of thing. They listen and they try to think of something to say, but they don't quite know what to say.
I will certainly stick around, my friend. Thanks for the warm welcome.
Love,
Mike.
|
|
RadioOne
|
9# |
Status:
From:
Registered:
07/18/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:01/03/2006 21:00:23)
Welcome, Mike! I hope your experience here is as uplifting and healing as you need it to be.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"You must remember yourself--be acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself in this point in time."
--Dr. Quentin Dinardo, professor
|
| | Welcome to The Collection of Flashlights!Wolf-eyes ,your eyes break the darkness! |
|
|
