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(Date Posted:01/15/2005 04:50:04)
Hi there. I actually used to post on this forum a long time ago, but with all the things going on in my life, I pretty much had to give it up. It has been a very long time and so I have reincarnated as a different being this time. I have been a walk-away for a number of years but I still sometimes have issues to deal with and it is nice to have a place to vent or to see if I am thinking correctly. Hey, if I can spend 11/2 hours a day on my live journal, surely I should have time to come here.As I said before, I walked away a long time ago, sometime during the 1990's. I was "saved" when I was a teenager, about 18, and at the time, my salvation experience, had it been in a fundy church would have made even Jerry Falwell proud. Over the years, however, what I discovered in the churches, was that Christianity was so full of contradictions that I could not reconcile any of it. Not the least being the behavior of those who were really and truly "full of themselves", that is christians. I saw covert racism and bigotry that just flew in the face of all that I truly believed in. When I first got saved, it did not care who or what gays were or what they did. They were ok with me. The same for people of different races. I also had friendships with these people. But I found out that if I were going to be pleasing to god, I had to conform and adopt the same attitudes or I would be considered either not really saved or of lesser faith than those superior ones who were also engaging in homosexual activities, divorcing their wives after committing adultery, and all other fun kinds of things. What was wrong with that? I was treated as if I had committed the world's worst sin by being divorced!!! I wasn't divorced because I cheated--my husband cheated and it was he who wanted out of the marriage to pursue some 19 year old blond. I did all that I could and endured years of abuse, all for Jesus, and then I am treated as the worst sinner these people had ever seen. If god truly existed and truly was just, then shouldn't these people, who claimed to have all the answers have known better and acted better? They're just human you say. I would say that too, but when they did wrong, if they got caught, they always had a pat excuse: it's all the devil's fault. But if you had the slightest imperfection, well, by god, you've sinned horribly and you'd better repent. This would not have been just men either. Even my best friend (at the time) was that bad.I have always questioned things and have always been an independent thinker. Fundy christianity does not like that, particularly if one is a woman. christianity is first and foremost a religion of control which relies on both the gullibility of individuals to buy what it is selling (fear, guilt, and shame being the first tools to be used), and manipulation of the group. Preachers and evanglelists rely on manipulation as their primary tool. To be manipulated is to be controlled and lied to.Enough for now. Will be posting something soon.
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COme on in!
