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(Date Posted:04/04/2006 07:17:07)
Hi all,I found this forum by doing a search on Google for "exfundamentalism", obviously a God-thing.My brief history: I became a Christian in 1972 during VBS at a small, independant Baptist church in upstate New York. I attended Bible school in Pennsylvania, got married, had two kids, got divorced, got married again, had two more kids. *pantpant*I've been a fundamentalist for 30 years. 5 years ago I began to grow tired of all the rules, the constant condemnation of never being a good enough Christian, and the bitter spirit that had been growing inside of me for a number of years. Through a series of incidents involving the supposed fates of two children we lost to miscarriage, I began to question God's goodness. I began to doubt the reality of a literal hell andnone of my spiritual peers or mentors wanted to address the moral implications of unending torture.Over the past couple of years, I moved more and more liberal or progressive in my theology. At this point in my journey, I want to believe that God is real and that he is love. I also want to believe that he has a good purpose for us as humans. But life and my own practical experiences cause me to doubt that these things are true. Losing my fundamental beliefs have caused me to question everything that I believe and I am no longer sure of anything.I wish I could find some answers about God that are realistic and sensible, answers that would allow me to continue to love him and to love others as he says we should. But the prognosis isn't very good. Without the Bible as my standard for truth, and without any mystical experiences to convince me that God is real and loving, I am left staring in a void of existence where thereare no answers,just day-to-day wasting time until I turn to dust.What do I hope to find here? Maybe some others who have had a similar journey. Maybe some who have survivedbecoming un-born-again without a total loss of faith. Or maybe new friends who have found meaning and purpose in life without the crutch and threat of a deity who seems absent but expects love and devotion anyway. Or maybe someanswers that, while not offering me much hope to retain the label of Christian, encourage me tobe more andmore honestwith myself about mybeliefs.Nice to meet you all. I'll be looking around and reading some.wayfarer
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