|
metamorpha
|
1# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:6
From:
Registered:
07/22/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2004 01:38:40)
Hello everyone,
I had been a christian for like 13 years. About 1 yr ago, I gave it up. Now, I am happy to be able to think without having to make every decision overly moral. (ie. Oh no, I shouldn't watch the simpsons, they are ungodly)
WHen I was a child, I went to a fundy xian, school. I am pissed that I was throughly brainwashed by these people. And that ,what they though they were teaching was good; however in essence it really hurt me and made it more difficult to think straight.
Christianity taught me to be illogical and dumb- by telling me what to think, and that I shouldn't trust in my own thoughts. When I bought into this, as a child, I didn't realize how it would distort and maim my view of the world, in so many ways. And all I was trying to do was not go to hell!!!
I hate the way so many fundy christians will tell a child something, and act and believe that it's completely true. SOmething like, you are going to hell if you don't believe in jesus today. The christians who say this don't realize how it is manipulative in so many ways.
I am glad to have found this site, because i would like to hear other people's experiences, and also share mine.
|
|
Voltaire
|
2# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:1490
From:
Registered:
07/08/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2004 02:42:14)
I'm glad you decided to join our little corner of the Internet where we take a dim view of the prevailing view. I remember my first year it was pretty tough going, but thanks to this forum I made it through. After the first year things got a lot better as far as my mental state.
...I shouldn't watch the simpsons, they are ungodly...
I had no idea anyone was accusing The Simpsons of corrupting the world but I shouldn't be surprised at this. Probably the real reason the fundies don't like that show is because it's so irreverant. Poking fun can lead to questions and doubt and we just can't have that!
WHen I was a child, I went to a fundy xian, school. I am pissed that I was throughly brainwashed by these people. And that ,what they though they were teaching was good; however in essence it really hurt me and made it more difficult to think straight.
Me too! I went to Adventist schools from kindergarten through college. Like you I think it was a little better than public education, but they dragged all this religious crap into it that causes a lot of problems. For example, I've just started reading some of those "worldly philosophers" I was always warned about and have found they've got some really good ideas.
Christianity taught me to be illogical and dumb- by telling me what to think, and that I shouldn't trust in my own thoughts.
Yup! I was taught my own judgement was so corrupted by sin that it couldn't trusted. Of course they never stopped to think that they were using their own untrustworthy judgement to tell me my own judgment was untrustworthy. 
I hate the way so many fundy christians will tell a child something, and act and believe that it's completely true.
I find that infuriating also. Since I've deconverted all I've been able to find is all those beliefs are just wishful thinking. They were telling me there was a monster in the closet that wanted to eat me. When I finally got suspicious and opened the door the closet was empty. Now they're mad at me because I called their bluff and go around telling people the closet's empty.
I am glad to have found this site, because i would like to hear other people's experiences, and also share mine.
Please do! And welcome again!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Zombies, Unicorns, Devils, Sea Monsters, Satyrs, Dragons, Six Winged Angels, Gods, Demons, Witches, Astrologers, A walking & talking snake, Magical fruit, Talking donkeys, human headed six-winged beasts, Ghosts. All that stuff is in the Bible and yet they tell me it"s not mythology?
|
|
metamorpha
|
3# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:6
From:
Registered:
07/22/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2004 06:11:15)
Voltaire,
thanks for your comments and encouragement. I am happy that this site exists, because it's hard to explain to most people, how having been a Christian could be such a painful experience in so many ways.
For example, I've just started reading some of those "worldly philosophers" I was always warned about and have found they've got some really good ideas.
I know what you mean, I was told, growing up at the fundy school, that yoga was of satan. I finally tried it, in college, and it's very cool.
After reading more posts, I feel inclined to share more about my experience with christianity. I have lots of bitter and painful feelings right now, and I hope sharing with other people will help me to move beyond them. Growing up in the fundy school wasn't a bad experience in every way. The teachers, and my friends there were very supportive and kind. I felt safe- and I was just a child so I didn't question things much.
My experiences changed when I entered college. I became very depressed in highschool and went into college looking for a change. I started attending a Charasmatic christian group, that was very into being "spirit filled" and having "experiences with god" The "spirit filled" garbage was all new to me, and I thought that god was now personal- and that he communicated to people everyday. The Christians I was with encourage me to "experience" god. This included, rolling around on the floor writhing, screaming, passing out from "God's touch" and silly stuff like that. It's funny thinking about how crazy it all was, and how I was so into it. I remember at revivals, how people would be touched by the pastor, and they would pass out on the floor. One person would stand behind the person passing out, so that they didn't incur brain damage. Another person would come around and put blankets on the people who were glazed over, and lying on the floor!
Anyway, I became obsessed with everything Christian. My brother and sister, whom I was living with, thought I was in a cult. I would spend a lot of time on my floor praying to god, or screaming and crying. (THinking I was being "touched by god") I felt like I was more "spiritual" than the rest of the world, because I was experiencing god. So at first I thought everything was great, and then things started turning bad. I started having some weird experiences, that made me think God, and the devil were communicating with me. WHen I was in church, I would hear thoughts that I believed was satan- saying things to me were very upsetting. I sometimes would go to the bathroom and cry, trying to make it all stop. One weekend I heard thoughts saying I was going to go to hell. I spent the weekend freaking out. And when I tried to experience god, I thought that I could feel satan's presence. I wondered why, when I asked for god, that I felt satan. Anyway, I'm sure you get the picture. Basically I lost my mind a little. (not completely though)
My life seemed like a little slice of hell, and I was always looking for someone to cast the devil out of me, so that I would feel better. After wasting lots of time seeking to be exorcised by Christians, I eventually realized that nothing was changing- no matter what I did. My family thought I was really out there, and of course, they would tell this to me, in a nasty way.
I finally couldn't take my life anymore. IT had been reduced to obsessing about Christianity and trying to remove the devil from me- so I went to a psychiatrist, who gave me some meds. It took me a very long time to get better, and regain a more healthy kind of thinking. Ever since I gave up Christianity, things have been much better, because I can get angry, and be human (of course christianity would never allow that)
So life is lots better now, but I still struggle to think rationally. I know this is pretty long, and may be a little weird- but i am very happy to share it with people who may understand!! thanks
|
|
Cyranothe2nd
|
4# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:794
From:
Registered:
07/29/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2004 02:29:02)
Metamorpha~
Wow, your experience so echoes those of many people that I know, people that are still knee deep in the Charismatic movement. I had a brush with it but I grew up very conservative Baptist and so the "slain in the Spirit" and speaking in toungues things always seemed a little silly to me. I tried them out and felt really hopped up and powerful, like I had a direct line to God and his power that most people didn't have. It was like a second coming, a new Pentacost or something. I am convinced that it's just an addictive spiritual high. I think all the things I felt, all the weird things I saw and experienced were just my brain trying to convince itself that it wasn't doing anything and that God was doing it all. It's amazing what person on a "Jesus high" can do...
Anyway, It's good that you are here. Ditto what Voltaire said, the first year is so hard. I'ts hard to turn off that tape in your mind that says, "This is evil." "You can't trust your own feeling because they are depraved and wicked." "You are going to hell."
Fear and guilt...how they sucker us in! But hey, you had the moral strength to leave. Most don't. So you are already WAY ahead of a lot of people.
Welcome to the board and may we be a new support and help tp you on your journey.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"After all this time?" Dumbledore asked sadly.
"Always," said Snape.
***Trust the Prince***
|
|
metamorpha
|
5# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:6
From:
Registered:
07/22/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2004 02:58:01)
Cyranothe2nd,
I think you are right about how our brains can convince us that what we are experiencing is "from god"
The spiritual high someone can get can be addictive- and a way to avoid reality. Did you notice that in the charasmatic friends you had, that they used god as a way out of a difficult situation?
How did you end up realizing that the pentecostal stuff was false?
Thanks for the welcome :0)
|
|
Voltaire
|
6# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:1490
From:
Registered:
07/08/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2004 08:52:36)
What I find so interesting is that it seems no matter how you get there, the end result is always the same: you end up miserable. Like Cyrano, I was raised in an environment where Charismatics were frowned upon, so I never did writhing around and screaming kind of things. We had all our scriptures lined up to prove the Pentecostals wrong. But it didn't matter. No matter how hard I tried to reach god, all I ever seemed to be doing was groping around in the dark. And like you, it drove me just about insane. When I gave it all up, it was a huge relief for me too. In my case the relief only lasted a few weeks because I began to realize what an outcast I'd become and how disappointed my parents were going to be. Oddly enough, worrying about everyone else was going to think was the worst part of the whole process. It was so frustrating to realize how strong a hold their approval had on me and how it was keeping me prisoner. I finally did tell my family, but it wasn't easy.
I know this is pretty long, and may be a little weird- but i am very happy to share it with people who may understand!! thanks
Disk space is cheap and the human spirit is valuable. Besides, we have a lot of people who make much longer posts.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Zombies, Unicorns, Devils, Sea Monsters, Satyrs, Dragons, Six Winged Angels, Gods, Demons, Witches, Astrologers, A walking & talking snake, Magical fruit, Talking donkeys, human headed six-winged beasts, Ghosts. All that stuff is in the Bible and yet they tell me it"s not mythology?
|
|
featheredserpent
|
7# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:378
From:
Registered:
01/29/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2004 09:32:01)
Repy to metamorpha and volitaire
What I find so interesting is that it seems no matter how you get there, the end result is always the same: you end up miserable. Like Cyrano, I was raised in an environment where Charismatics were frowned upon, so I never did writhing around and screaming kind of things. We had all our scriptures lined up to prove the Pentecostals wrong.But it didn't matter.
No it doesn't matter!!!
I'm in the unique (or not?) position of being raised in the SDA in childhood/teenager and then 30 years later being 'shunned' and having my family split by a cult/pentecostal church. Go figure. Now I just laugh.
Metamorpha glad your here (free).
--------------------------------------------------------------
I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone.
H. L. Mencken
|
|
BunnyGirl77
|
8# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:68
From:
Registered:
07/15/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2004 23:55:17)
Hi metamorpha..it is my first yeat too.
I think i was fairly miserable before i became a fundie and often think that the only truly happy people in this world are the insane..
|
|
Cyranothe2nd
|
9# |
Rank:none
Status:
Score:0
Posts:794
From:
Registered:
07/29/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/27/2004 01:45:46)
Metamorpha~
How did you end up realizing that the pentecostal stuff was false?
Well, as I said I never fully bought into it. Also, I've always had this startling ability to make fun of anything on Earth. It was easy enough to stand back and watch these people acting like jack asses and see it for what it was. The real reason is that I was straining too hard for meaning that ought to come easily. If it's that hard to fit your brain into the mold then maybe the mold is the wrong shape for you.
As for my walk away in general, it was a gradual process. Started out just really hating the hypocracy and backstabbing that went on in my own church. We were a very exclusionary bunch, so it was hard for me to go other places. That church didn't use the KJV and this church was too liberal in it's interpretation and that church was too charesmatic, ect. I went to CMA and Assemblies of God for a while but it didn't feel right. The best was a home group I studied with and really loved. I felt very accepted and loved by them but when I got divorced I was so ashamed of it that I couldn't show my face there.
Turned out that that time away was the best thing for me. My best friend, Mr. Highwind on this board, came out of the closet and I had to do some real soul searching. Did I honestly think he was going to hell for being gay? Did I honestly want to live with the guilt of being divorced and "in sin"? Could I wrap my brain around the Fundamentalist way of thinking anymore?
I read a lot and studied a lot and talked a lot to the peole on this forum nd to my friends and in the end found that the answer was "no" . That was almost 6 years ago. Never been happier. Never felt more complete.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"After all this time?" Dumbledore asked sadly.
"Always," said Snape.
***Trust the Prince***
|
| |
