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(Date Posted:01/16/2005 21:14:57)
Hello everyone,
I've been visting the forum for a while and participated in a similar forum a few years ago. Just reading the forum has been good for me and now I'm ready to participate.
Here's my story: I was raised in the United Methodist Church which is varies from conservative to moderate to liberal though the official stand of the church is moderate to liberal, in my opinion. The small, rural church we attended during my teen years had a few conservative pastors. During one revival I got "saved." I started to study the Bible and was terrified when I read about the unpardonable sin. I fixated on this ( I was later diagnosed with OCD which explains the fixating behavior).
I didn't like the concept of hell and began to research other religions and different, more liberal interpertations of Christianity. In college I was a liberal Episcopalian. In my mid-20s I drifted toward New Age beliefs predominately Marianne Williamson and Louise Hay.
In my late 20s I began to fear that conservative Christianity was the correct religion. At the time I was working as a social worker at a hospice with several conservatives. Obviously the subject of death came up a lot.
I got saved again though I really didn't want to. It was more like, okay this stuff is right so I better get on board so I don't fry. I began then to obsess that since I had already gotten saved I was uneligible and was one of the walking damned.
This led to psychosis and a suicide attempt. I finally got diagnosed with OCD and got on medicine :-) It took me a while to accept I needed to be on medicine for the rest of my life probably. I went off a few times but now am just thankful the medicine exists.
I am currently applying to a state college's graduate program in religious studies. My obsession with salvation sparked an interest in comparitive religion and the sociology and psychology of religion. Also, I am still trying to deal with some lingering doubts.
I'm glad to be here.
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