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The Cuteness
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(Date Posted:10/22/2007 12:25:40)
Reply to : lsl_mss
So- I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of the fam's god-talk. Other than dh, no one knows about the fundies or my lack of belief. I don't say anything or start arguments, but I Just don't want to sit and listen to it, you know? But feel it's rude to walk away when mil is crying and mourning, etc. You know?Even though I'm not at a church anymore, I don't feel like I am free of it as long as just being around people talking about God makes me want to crawl out of my skin.I guess I'm just starting to feel like an outsider in my own home.They are the "in group"- lets have all sorts of people over, lets get together with the fam (despite their complete lack of respect for mine or anyone else's schedule), lets buy more stuff, do more things, more, more, MORE, let's
Do they live with you? Or are they visiting a lot? Do they have keys to the house?
If you need a bit of peace and quiet for a while (even a few months or years) then that's up to you. Do they pop round unannounced? What about just not answering the door? Ignoring the phone? People have no "right" to be close to you. If you want to keep them at arms length for a while then I think that's fine. You can call them and arrange meetings when you feel like it.
Maybe it's annoying you because it's a violation. You might find the god talk doesn't bother you so much when you feel more in control.
Perhaps it would help if you came out of the lack-of-belief closet? Perhaps your anger is frustration at not being able to say what you really think?
Just some ideas. Hope you feel better soon xxxx
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Marquis de Sade (Quills): Are your convictions so fragile they cannot stand in opposition to mine? Is your god so flimsy, so weak? For shame.
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The Cuteness
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(Date Posted:10/22/2007 12:29:23)
Oh P.S. I don't think there's anything wrong with being intolerant of certain things. You don't have to tolerate it! My boyfriend won't tolerate smoking in the house. I don't tolerate disrespectful people in my own home. We've all got certain things that we won't stand for.
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Marquis de Sade (Quills): Are your convictions so fragile they cannot stand in opposition to mine? Is your god so flimsy, so weak? For shame.
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snakechic
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3# |
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(Date Posted:10/23/2007 03:29:28)
Reply to : lsl_mss
So- I'm finding that I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of the fam's god-talk. Other than dh, no one knows about the fundies or my lack of belief. I don't say anything or start arguments, but I Just don't want to sit and listen to it, you know? But feel it's rude to walk away when mil is crying and mourning, etc. You know?Even though I'm not at a church anymore, I don't feel like I am free of it as long as just being around people talking about God makes me want to crawl out of my skin.I guess I'm just starting to feel like an outsider in my own home.They are the "in group"- lets have all sorts of people over, lets get together with the fam (despite their complete lack of respect for mine or anyone else's schedule), lets buy more stuff, do more things, more, more, MORE, let's
Its not the same for me here in OZ....the 'in' crowd are not the christians!? (phew)... I'm guessing...but I'd be pissed off and maybe not willing to talk the talk...in instances like offering support to crying etc. to your mil. It would be hard to be yourself and say what you want rather than what you're expected to say and do. All that 'god this...god that' would piss me off too....but not as much as it might have in the past.
You gotta find your voice........if you feel so uncomfortable why not walk out? And figure out your own feelings about why its pissing you off? Do you feel like you 'have' to keep quite about yourself?
anyway...
For me......this kind of problem is about the extended family and its dynamics- not necessarily about religious beliefs.... I found it hard in some instances to draw the line of what I was willing to put up with to keep harmony or peace. I did feel that I was always the 'inlaw'...an outsider.? .... it was a daughter in law thing right from the word go - I didn't feel comfortable with a lot of their family traditions, manners etc......and did feel that kind of battle or inconsiderate behaviour between family members that you touch on. I started to say "NO"..to a fair bit of it. And eventually I had to make it known how I felt. I had to spell it out & make it clear & more than just once too.... It's also interesting that I didn't feel comfortable to tell my inlaws much about my strict SDAist family. Its like my old family and my new family were very separate...and I was somewhere in the middle.
SOme of my family history goes like this...... My mil was not christian but still ..there were similar problems. My hub was pretty much a chicken shit and didn't want to stir up his mother up any more than she was capable of being ..all by herself. (my ma inlaw was a character!) She went on for years and years....the 'grief' wouldn't let up .It was hard work being around her in the end. She ended up with Alzheimer's'. What's your hub doing? ......
Yeah..talk about barging in......my inlaw's tend to invite themselves over for a visit...(we live interstate)...and they end up staying the night.! That pissed me off....The fact that they don't ask until late in the evening ( & of course I can hear it coming)....They are christians - Anglican but don't often come out with the flat out 'god talk'...instead talk about the 'marvelous, church they go to'....blablabla...I don't pay attention to it.
Anyway...I've come to the conclusion that nothing will change unless I make it change...SO I don't accept crap anymore. It feels good...to look after my own needs.  No one is going to give me a sense of 'freedom'...I have to do that myself.
Too right!. "you don't have to tolerate it"..or anything.......everyone has the right to make up their own minds - drawn the line - be themselves.......be intolerant of other's beliefs or whatever..... ITs such a pissy PC term that doesn't say much at all anyway..............but at the same time...I think family is worth a bit of hassle at times.
Difficult situation......hope you get through it okay..!
Reply to Dot...
p.s... raving on a bit....about the concept of house as extension of self...
its interesting... all the 'the house is my castle" ideology a lot of people believe in. It is sanctioned by law to some extent..but the increasing reality...is that the government are fast taking back people's freedoms and rights. Huge increase in surveillance - a street camera on every corner...The new police laws that gives the authorities the right to enter and search your house without asking permission from you or any judge....and so on ...
(if someone had too many rules of entry into their house..I'd bloody well not go inside ...)...its a grey area...!
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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The Cuteness
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4# |
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(Date Posted:10/24/2007 17:23:14)
Reply to : snakechic
...Oh & if someone had too many rules of entry into their house..I'd bloody well not go inside...fuckem!)
Yeah - me too. I particularly hate it when you go to someones house and they ask you to take your shoes off. My socks are always holey and they rarely match.  I've been known to say "That's OK - I'll just wait outside"
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Marquis de Sade (Quills): Are your convictions so fragile they cannot stand in opposition to mine? Is your god so flimsy, so weak? For shame.
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snakechic
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(Date Posted:10/25/2007 10:50:25)
Reply to : The Cuteness
Yeah - me too. I particularly hate it when you go to someones house and they ask you to take your shoes off. My socks are always holey and they rarely match.I've been known to say "That's OK - I'll just wait outside"
That's funny you should say that...I was having a convo with someone recently - a tradey (tradesperson).....who was saying to me..that they refuse to take their shoes off when asked by customers ...because of the health & safetly issues. Its tradition in some cultures to leave shoes at the door...but I wouldn't want to work or carry on with dangerous ..sharp ..heavy gear without my steel cap boots on. Fuck custom! ...or the polished floor etc. I think sometimes people are too house proud. ?
I'm definitely not into all that crap...I like to decorate and buy stuff..but I"m not fussy....or competitive ..you know..want to keep up with silly so called current style.
(Yay...Ikea!!! )
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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Voltaire
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(Date Posted:10/25/2007 17:47:07)
Fuck custom! ...or their plush carpet, polished floor etc. I think sometimes people are too house proud.
I've hated wall to wall carpet for a long time; it's SO stupid. It's expensive, hard to keep clean, and collects dust mites which make allergies worse. It's a lot easier to wear slippers if you want your feet to feel cushy than to carpet the whole damn floor!
I also get tired of houses that are so delicate and dainty inside that you feel like you have to go tip toing around in it so you don't break anything, or you're inside a museum and can't touch anything. The house isn't meant for humans to live in; instead it's meant to be looked at. Yuk!
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Zombies, Unicorns, Devils, Sea Monsters, Satyrs, Dragons, Six Winged Angels, Gods, Demons, Witches, Astrologers, A walking & talking snake, Magical fruit, Talking donkeys, human headed six-winged beasts, Ghosts. All that stuff is in the Bible and yet they tell me it"s not mythology?
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The Cuteness
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7# |
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(Date Posted:10/25/2007 20:32:30)
Reply to : snakechic
You have socks! you lucky, lucky thing....I wear thongs...classy rubber ones! (its hot here - I think you'd like it)
I couldn't for the life of me figure out what you were talking about there - then I figured out you wear thongs on your feet!  We don't wear thongs on our feet here 
People are definitely too house proud and precious about things IMO. If you can't live in it, it's not a home is it?
Volt, how about a wall-to-wall cream carpet? That's what we've got in our house.  Boyfriend's parents' choice - not ours! (boyfriend's parents' house) When people come round to ours and spill things on it - which they inevitably do - they jump up apologising profusely. I tell them to sit down, chuck a towel over it and let what soaks up, soak up and what soaks in, soak in. The way I see it, if you buy a cream carpet for your house and expect it to stay that colour you are absolutely tripping.
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Marquis de Sade (Quills): Are your convictions so fragile they cannot stand in opposition to mine? Is your god so flimsy, so weak? For shame.
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lsl_mss
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8# |
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(Date Posted:10/25/2007 21:05:36)
Reply to : snakechic
Do you feel like you 'have' to keep quite about yourself?
I think that may be it snakechic. No one knows about the fundies, or my lack of "faith" as they would see it. It's like hiding the black sheep- I guess. Kind of goes back to the feeling like an outsider in my own house- you know- don't dare say what you really think about religion - just keep up the charade to keep extended fam happy-
I think dh is really concerned about what his fam's reaction would/will be - I think he thinks that I have seriously gone off the deep end.
Interestingly, when you have lived your life with NO personal boundaries and suddenly decide you've had enough of that shit and start enforcing some- it causes a lot of upheaval.  
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Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace.
~Amelia Earhart
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