Reply to Cyranothe2nd (01/29/2008 9:17 PM).
Psychology can only comment on what is "normal". Asexual or anti-sexual behaviour is atypical or abnormal.
I think most asexual behaviour has to do with one of three things (or a combination of them): homonal changes that make it difficult or impossible to become aroused, psychological issues that leave a person with a distaste or downright fear of sex, and society pressures that subverts "natural" sexuality.
For instance, the insistance of certain religious sects that their adherants become non-sexual and their obsession with sexual purity creates a lot of societal pressure that then promotes a fear or guilt response when one is faced with sexuality. Is it any wonder that some people chose (subconciously) to avoid sexuality altogether and become asexual?
I think that psychological or medical council can help those who are committed to changing into more sexual beings. But if the asexual person isn't bothered by their "abnormality" and if it doesn't adversely affect their live then its not necessarily the best thing to try to change it.
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that doesn't make sense to me...psychology doesn't have a handle on 'normality' and more than the effing "church" does. Nor have I heard psychology referred to in that way..that ' it only deals with normality'. ??? The whole thing is based on discovery on why people do what they do. A bunch of theories.
I don't think loss of sex drive can be termed 'abnormal' - many people experience it or suffer from some kind of fluctuation during there life - for a huge variety of reasons.
Its impossible to define.
I also think the opposite can happen ...that people simply hide their sexuality from the controls of the church and are very sexual. ie. church goers/xians have a 'healthy' interest in porn online and enjoy masturbation.
Or use church as a meeting place to make contact with potential sexual partners ...ie. right from the pedophile to the local high school kid looking for a girlfriend.
Church is far from a place without sex.
I'd even say the 'church' is obsessed with it...............controlling it, talking about it, inventing dogma's about it..............the bible is pretty darn filthy..hehehe..
From what I can gather from it..there was probably a huge problem with bestiality in those days!
but yeah...Its no wonder some people become obsessed with 'purity' or perfection and have trouble with sexuality. It tends also to be passed down from one generation to another...through mothering/parenting techniques and overt or covert messages that are sent to the children of parents who have been fucked up by religious interferences.
I also think its cultural. - how accepting of different sexual practises etc individuals are.
One of the things that pisses me off...is the obsessive qualities of the interest in Male sexuality... Impotence remediesall over the place and research dollars and FUCK all interest in coming up with 'cures' or assistance to women who used to be called 'frigid' for not being able to have an orgasm or problems associated with various life stages ie. from menopause to child birth issues (whatever)
To me that's plain discrimination on the grounds of gender. ..okay...maybe a little harsh ...but it sure promotes the message to the community that women's sexual function is not as important as male function.
quotes Chirpy
. " At least all that church sexual abuse is coming out in the open and people are discussing it in all walks of life and being believed when it happens to them with the knock on effect that church attendance is falling as people see it as no longer a bastion of safety from permissive society"
yep...I think this relates to your other post about the 'baby bathwater"....
The idea that people develop the guts and take their right to speak up against the social rules that are imposed on them by the group mechanisms and/or controls.
There is a strongly held belief that the church is a safe haven and somehow magically without the usual influences of the outside community. I think that's a myth.............perpetuated by the current 'loyalists' in any given era - the people who don't want to see themselves as flawed or part of the world etc. etc...
I don't think the church as ever been a 'Bastian' of safety from anything ....I think that's the sales pitch the christians spread around. In fact I'd say the 'church' is and has been responsible for its fair share of corruption, behind the scenes maybe to those who choose not to look, the 'church' also actively promotes a veiw that it is infallible, makes its own rules that are often illigal or downright criminal.
ie....marriage of minors, incest, bigamy
so who is safe from who?
Ithink the worse of it in terms of 'churches'...is the idea that kids who have been abused within the church environment are often counselling by other xians who decide that its reasonable for that kid to remain within its confines - ie. keep going to church and believing in the system.
That is totally fucked up....puts the kid in worse shape than before for the sake of the church members need to not face the 'reality' of their situation?
to promote the mythical idea that there is such a thing as a 'safe church' is criminal negligence imo.
Do you know how many 'pastors' get extra marital sex inside their so called counselling sessions from vulerable men & women who come to them for 'spiritual' guidence without getting caught much of the time?
They are on a good scam there....little of no supervision from the outside.
Its a ticket to screw up.
anyway...I tend to get on my high horse about this kind of topic...
best I stop..
'As for this man that I was mentionned in the previous post I haven't seen him for over a week now as I decided to cool it a bit as I guess he was recognising that I was getting a tad obsessed with him. Hopefully I'll see him today and maybe be a bit more open with him. It's a kind of make or break situation and a lot better than mooning after him for months on end with no resolution be it getting together to start dating or finding out that there is no chance of a relationship"
Good luck with that..I hope you get to say what you need to say and get it sorted.
I think its great that women are able to ask for what the want in relationships..sexual or otherwise.
p.s.
"Sorry to hear what you had gone through, Snakechic, with your childhood experiences of sexual molestation. It seems to be very young to have had trauma such as this forced on you and it only goes to show that sexual abuse is rife throughout all church denominations "
Thanks Chirpy....but in that situation I think I was probably the more 'mature' of the two. He was a total twat...the experience was the final "icing on the cake" for me I think....I had very little regard for christianity, church authority as it was... ..its bible - in fact I refused to do the bible lessons thing.
but...yeah..it not a good lesson for anyone & I knew at the time there was no point sharingthe info around - in other words I knew exactly who would end up being 'punished'.
(Message edited by snakechic On 02/20/2008 18:56:35)
