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snakechic
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1# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:3524
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:01/28/2008 16:42:42)
Hi Juvvel.....I know what you mean about religous weirdness following you around like a bad smell - it kinda goes with the territory for some reason?
I'm sorry to read your story & how christianity has affected your life and the life of your husband (albeit in very different ways) .......but its great that you have gone through it yourself and come out the other end all in one piece and so obviously in touch with the pain of someone who you are very close to and married to.
I think you're the best person to 'advise' yourself about what's up with your hub - you are after all right there with him - his companion and therefor you'd know more than anyone on the internet. so....I'd say...trust yourself a bit more to be able to support him . It seems you are doing a great job so far..........not pushing too hard, identifying your hubs mannerisms, coping mechanisms and /or personality differences. - I don't think he's 'checked out' as much as being unable to discuss these things with you in the same way you might expect - it sounds like he doesn't like confrontation or conflict, while you are able to express your anger/annoyances. Maybe you are feeling a little impatient after all this time (5yrs) - (understandably so) - its a hard job to be with someone who has 'shut down' or who has very different personality behaviours than yourself. In this kind of situation its kinda understandable that your own needs are not being met within this partnership - maybe that is something you could take up with him?
One thing to be more aware of is...that its also a gender difference - some males tend to be less about expressing themselves and their feelings and more about doing. You say his behaviour stoppped...maybe for him that's enough? Not everyone wants or needs to execute a plan of full analysis or post mortum examination or for that matter to express emotions in the same way.
Its interesting that your husband ended up going to a regular technical college rather than what his parents had planned for him. It tells me that he is not the total push over that his 'silent' approach might suggest. SOmetimes...a kind of 'withdrawal' is a way to control other's and what is going on in a person's life. Remember the person who says NOthing is the person who has control of the conversations - its a powerful postion to hold ..not as submissive as you'd think.
Iwouldn't rush him to personal therapy or make conclusions of what 'disorder' he might have .....but perhaps as a couple it might be of benefit at some point......so perhaps go along to a secular couples counselling. ? Maybe you could approach him with the idea that its 'our' problem ..not just 'his' issues.? You are as important in this relationship as your husband - its a partnership.
anyway.......that's just a bit of what I can put together as a reply for you...its very difficult to say online.................everyone has very different experiences with religion as well as with the family of orgins...childhood etc....
I know what you mean about 'so much more I could say'....It sounds like you could do with someone to talk to yourself.
I hope you stick around......
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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starlinggirlinklot_
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2# |
From: USA
Registered:
02/15/2008
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/15/2008 23:12:56)
Hello, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness too. I didn't leave the cult until the year 2000. I raised my kids in it too, and now I regret that I had. Anyway, what really helped me escape was when I began my own bible study research. I finally found the real truth. ( Christ ) I no longer belong to a religion, now I belong only to Christ and I LOVE the FREEDOM! My best friend turned me in to the elders after I told her I was examining my religion and now partaking of the emblems, etc. I guess I scared her and then she made that famous phone call. She cried, begging me to come back to the JW meetings. I told her I couldn't because I chose Christ.  The polished presiding Elder told me I could never be one of Christ's brothers, as the heavenly door was closed in the year 1935. After he left my home I went to my Bible concordance and looked up the word, ~ brother~. It gave me Matthew 12:50 which says, "Anyone who does the will of my Father is the same my brother, sister and my mother." Goes to show how much he knows his Bible. LOL!!!!! Anyway, now the JW Governing Body ( ruling without Christ) says the heavenly door is open but only to replacement remnant. ha ha ha ! You know, to replace the ones who turned evil. sheesh! So glad to be out!
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starlinggirlinklot_
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3# |
From: USA
Registered:
02/15/2008
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/15/2008 23:16:32)
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starlinggirlinklot_
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4# |
From: USA
Registered:
02/15/2008
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/15/2008 23:16:53)
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snakechic
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5# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:3524
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
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Reply To starlinggirlinklot_
(Date Posted:02/16/2008 05:43:13)
I finally found the real truth. ( Christ )
I no longer belong to a religion, now I belong only to Christ and I LOVE the FREEDOM!
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Struth....a personal relationship with an imaginary friend? What he like in the cot?
--------------------------------------------------------------
In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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Cyranothe2nd
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6# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:794
Registered:
07/29/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/17/2008 15:48:21)
I finally found the real truth. ( Christ )
I no longer belong to a religion, now I belong only to Christ and I LOVE the FREEDOM!
Good for you for finding a way past the bullshit and still finding something of worth in religion. I wish more people could do that. I don't like religion but I think that if its adherants would live the philosophies they claimed to believe the world would be a better place.
Cheers,
Cyranothe2nd
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Chirpy
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7# |
Registered:
03/06/2003
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/18/2008 06:28:01)
In reply to the above you need to be a bit careful about that as having a personal relationship with Christ can lead you back into organised religion. Many people claim not to be religious and cut off from the old dogma and rituals of say denominations such as RC, Anglicanism, Methodism, etc and say it's just about having a personal relationship and when you dig down and find out what they really believe and what really goes on in their churches it's basically the same old stuff and in fact more pernicious. Are you sure that your relationship with Christ does not contain vestiges of the old belief system projected onto it?
(Message edited by Chirpy On 02/18/2008 06:29:16)
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snakechic
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8# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:3524
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/20/2008 16:12:41)
Reply to Chirpy (01/24/2008 2:32 PM).
Many people claim not to be religious and cut off from the old dogma and rituals of say denominations such as RC, Anglicanism, Methodism, etc and say it's just about having a personal relationship and when you dig down and find out what they really believe and what really goes on in their churches it's basically the same old stuff and in fact more pernicious. Are you sure that your relationship with Christ does not contain vestiges of the old belief system projected onto it?
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Yep..my thoughts as well. Guess where all those 'home churches' spring from?...............yep all those dissatisfied idiots gathering together, complaining how bad their last church or (churches) were and then go about to set up shop much like the places they left. That's how all those sects start....ie.Mrs E. White home church for gullible people. (SDA) I also think...that the christian message is flawed (full of nothing but bullshit) therefore it cannot be salvaged - not now nor has it been the past. I'd say that the wisest thing to do when a individual has been fucked over by religion (of any denom) is to take a good long break...take a holiday..a recovery period of at least 2-3 years. SLow it all down...let go of the idea that its a life or death situation...or whatever hook the religion has into you. that 'I've found the real truth" thought pattern is bullshit all over again.
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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Chirpy
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9# |
Registered:
03/06/2003
Time spent:
0 hours
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RE:I'm trying to get my husband out
(Date Posted:02/21/2008 18:52:59)
I think the orginal Walkaway website mentionned that independent churches are often worse than the original denominations they sprang from as in the latter the leaders are accountable to the hierarchy or Church Synod whereas in the former it can be a kind of one man dictatorship. What you get is one church breaking away from another and then that church splits and so on. It's rare to see churches amalgamating and even inter church committees and celebrations are regarded as something quite evil by the Pentecostal churches.
You're right about taking a break from church for two or three years. I felt church abuse for years but used to wander from church to church. It wasn't a case of trying to find the perfect church but one where I had felt as free after a year or so just as much as when I first attended the church. It was only when the benefits of church attendance were outweighed by the drawbacks I decided to take a break. Well you think that there are lots of benefits until you actually leave and then you realise that your needs can be fulfilled outside the church. It's funny when I stopped going for a few weeks and was able to think clearly how many friends came up to me and suggested that I try another church yet that was what I had been doing for years.
Not long afterwards I began to realise how psychologically abusive I could be and tried to change which was a bit difficult until I sat down and decided not to take abuse myself. It took years before I realise that I had been psychologically abused in church and had sort of been trained to carry out the abuse myself to people outside the church.
(Message edited by Chirpy On 02/21/2008 19:01:33)
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