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snakechic
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1# |
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(Date Posted:04/24/2007 16:09:46)
Reply to : Grayfeather
In using Snakechic's words from her "Warning....Very Disturbing Story!" - "...I've received private messages from people who are talking about suicide - their own...", here is my story:My daughter Jenwho is now 18 had a breakdown at age 15. She talked of suicide so we called her psychiatrist. He asked her if she had a plan and she said she did, we had him on speaker phone and he requested that my wife and I bring her to the hospital. She was there for over three weeks.
I think its good to talk about this difficult topic..your life..your family...Grey. ..........to me its not a 'very disturbing story'...by any means or by any stretch of the imagination. Good to tell it. Thanks for writing it down here....!
I feel I need to clarify a little more...I wrote the 'warning'...because the other thread is very different in my opinion - people were encouraging the man to do it as entertainment - confusion etc.
I've brought up the issue of suicide in the past on this chatroom ( do a search & you'll find it)....because I feel quite strongly that 'suicide' not a subject that is shameful, secret or that talking about it is irresponsible...I believe its quite the opposite. That to not talk about causes more grief - problems. But because I never quite know how another poster is responding to my posts - I felt I needed to ask if you were upset. I didn't mean to brush you off if that's how it seemed. I've had many occasions when a poster will attack me or feel triggered because of something I've written. .......................anyway...after I got off line...it occured to me that maybe you wanted to get into the subject and talk about it further.. Sorry if I gave you the impression that it wasn't Okay with me. ..
I'm also a parent....& can imagine the pain of going through what you & other parents have with their children. I have a very close friend who lost her bother ....then years later...her nephew also killed himself in a similar way as his uncle had.
So very glad your daughter is okay.....doing well with your help.....
Bullies are everywhere.....in all walks of life....kids right through to adults! Terrible thing to do to other humanbeing....................could it be that some of the people on that paltalk chatroom were just bullies?
Though work...I talk to many people about issues like this...it can become a huge strain over time.
Look after yourself.
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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Grayfeather
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2# |
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03/07/2007
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(Date Posted:04/24/2007 16:44:38)
reply to Snakechic:
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"...it occurred to me that you wanted to get into the subject and talk about it further..."
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Yes I did Snakey. But the only thing you triggered in me was for me to talk as I did above. Thank you! Yes I am optimistic, but sometimes I carry this burden as all parents have a burden of some kind of their own and I just wanted to talk about it. One thing about suicide though, after Jen's uncle had done himself in, Jen realized how suicide creates a concentric ring, affecting everyone. She was pretty shaken up by that and swore that she would never resort to it. I was glad to hear that.
Thanks Snakey!
Gray
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Jezebel Rising
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3# |
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(Date Posted:04/26/2007 09:39:10)
Greyfeather,
when I read your daughter's story, I shuddered in grief. Not only at your daughter's agony, but the fact that her story was so similar to that of my best friend.
Her problems began even before she was born. Her father, as a result of growing up with an unpredictable raging alcoholic, began to develop symptoms of bipolar and paranoid schziophrenia. By the time that my friend came into the world, the cycle of irratible highs and terrifying lows was already in full swing. As a young child, he was obsessed with forcing her and her older sister to apologize repeatedly for any infraction, real or otherwise. There were also incidents where he had to be admitted to the hospital due to suicidal episodes. When he was home, he did whatever he could to make his family's life a living hell. He once stormed into the house of her best friend in elementary school (who ahppened to be black) and excorciated her and her entire family as being a bunch of welfare cheats and did not relent even whey they broke down in tears. In fact, it made him even angrier.
As she matured, his fury only grew in intensity, In high school, whenever she would wear a dress over jeans, he would scream at her and call her a prostitute. There is no such thing as privacy in their house. He would rummage through her garbage, he would eavesdrop on her conversations, open her mail, you name it. He even called on the cops on her on several occasions when she tried to leave, humilating her even further.
And he wouldn't even behave when guests were around. We would be in the middle of something, and he would barge in and attack her over something that only exists in his head. I just shrunk back and waited for the storm to clear, I didn't know what else to do. Nobody believed me when I tried to save her. She herself has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so she can't hold on to employment long enough to get away from him. And now he and her mother won't even let her have any contact with me. And they demanded that she do it right on her birthday!
I can never forgive her parents for destroying her spirit. I just hope that her and your daguhter can one day be on their won so their trials will finally be over.
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"I"m not a witch, but I wish I was. If I live I"d be a witch now after what they have done. I"ll burn their crops and kill their animals. I"ll stir up such storms. I"ll scatter their ships across the world. If I could meet with the devil right now, I would give him anything for power, for he is the only way to power for women in this world. I shouldn"t have been afraid of Ellen, I should have learnt. Oh, if I only had magic, I"d make them feel it."
Caryl Churchill, "Vinegar Tom"
"It might be the greatest thing ever invented, but if it"s invented, then it"s not worth dying for."
Taj Bachmann, former missionary
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Phatchick
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4# |
Status:
From:
Registered:
05/11/2004
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(Date Posted:04/26/2007 20:13:02)
Reply to : Grayfeather
My daughter Jenwho is now 18 had a breakdown at age 15.
I am so sorry, I can't imagine what your family is going through  . I'm glad you're helping her get settled so she can be as independent as possible. Zen hugs for all of you.
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Phatchick
"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."
Garrison Keillor
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redzed
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5# |
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Registered:
09/21/2002
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(Date Posted:04/27/2007 01:29:34)
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Albert Einstein: "A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe" a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest us."
Namaste
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Grayfeather
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6# |
Status:
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Registered:
03/07/2007
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(Date Posted:04/27/2007 07:38:48)
Reply to Jezebel Rising:
You know Jezebel in the Fundie world I had never believed in Evil. I believe in it now but not in the Fundie sense of description. This man is just evil and I bet his evilness precedes him. One day in the store where I work I felt this, an evilness of pure unadulterated hate. I had felt it before she came to my counter without my seeing her. I felt this gloom, this heaviness and then she came up to my counter. She had such hate in her face, she had such hate in her manner and in her spoken words. At first I had thought it was a matter of race for hers was different than mine but later I had heard that she treated eveything and everybody including her own race with that pure hate. that is what I sense about this man that you described. My heart really goes out to your friend. Her only peace with be the eventual death of her parents when it is their time to go. I just hope she outlives them to enjoy some real true happiness in life.
Grayfeather
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Grayfeather
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7# |
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03/07/2007
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(Date Posted:04/28/2007 03:46:31)
Reply to Redzed:
Hi ya Red!
My daughter's suicidal thoughts was not because of her uncle's suicide. It was because of other things. However, when it was known about her uncle's suicide I immediately sat her down because of her Emotional Disability and told her that this is not about you. This time you are not feeling things alone in your mind. As I was talking with her she saw her mother cry the hardest she had ever seen her mother cry. I continued on with Jen, I told her that what you will feel when the numbness goes away is the normal mourning process. The saddness, the anger, the hole in your heart and other feelings. I do love your chart Red, I wish I had had it earlier it would have been good for her to see the path that mourning takes. I told her that each person though following the mourning cycle will mourn in each their own way.
She did very well under the circumstances. I was very proud of her. Jen, her mother and I are very tight. We communicate well together and communication is the key between parents and their children as well as communication between husband and wife, it is the key to keeping a marriage and a family solid. Love is very importand but communication with love really keeps a family together and solid. Even single parents or just couples without children, communication is the key. I say this because we had found out the the communication had broken down and why Jen's uncle killed hinself. We are learning new facts every week and we are learning how broken the communication was in their marriage. It was indeed a very poor choice to choose suicide for things were fixable but he had felt backed against the wall but was not honest with his therapist nor his wife and his wife was not honest with him, they just did not talk to each other, and he had never confided with his father which he had always done because his mother was dying and he did not want to load his father with anything else. He did not confide with his siblings with whom he was very close to, so again, communication was and is the key.
Grayfeather
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snakechic
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8# |
Rank:none
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Score:0
Posts:3507
From:
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
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(Date Posted:04/29/2007 03:39:52)
Reply to : Grayfeather
I told her that each person though following the mourning cycle will mourn in each their own way.
That's a good thing to remember and be aware of Grey....
but a word of caution too...
Charts are all well and good.......but people don't fit into them so neatly. For me...they are only very rough guidelines / examples. I've personally found that people (myself) jump all over the place...go back to the beginning more than once - some people miss out on so called stages completely.... all kinds of stuff - there is no orderly cycle or road to follow.
Sometimes when the individual doens't fit the 'theory'...the individual are blamed or can feel like they are failures - which adds to the pressure already in their lives.. My way is to chuck out the 'chart' and value the person - and their uniqueness.
& some grief or feelings of loss never go away.....
I agree......to have someone to talk to about your inner most feelings is key. Good for you to encourage that. You sound like a very nice Dad.
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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