| Support us |
Just click the links below and your donations will make a difference here. |
 |
|
|
CoffeeCat
|
1# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:15
Registered:
07/25/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2005 02:58:05)
Greetings, all! Here's my story:
Until I went to college, I was pretty unaware of what fundies were all about. I grew up in a small town where everyone is Christian, even if that means nothing more than going to church on Easter and Christmas and filling in a certain box for the census. My family was mildly religious and certainly far from fundamentalist. I went to Sunday School as a kid, but then had little church experience until eighth grade. At that time, I was dealing with some overwhelming emotional issues and pretty much dumping them all on my best friend. Being only 13, she didn't know how to help me, so she invited me to youth group at her church. I went, and I kept going back all through high school. The youth leader was excellent- she really knew how to make messed up adolescents feel good about themselves. I got very involved with the youth group and the whole church- I made dozens of friends and for the first time felt like I had a place where I really belonged. I wasn't thinking too deeply about the teachings of the church at the time- it was just what I had always grown up with. Still, during those years, the connection was made subconsciously in my mind that Christianity= good/right/true/normal,etc.
So then I went to college and started looking for some friends. My roomate who grew up in a liberal Christian family), another girl on our floor (totally fundie family), and me decided to check out the Bible study group on campus. Everyone was nice and welcoming, and it was an easy place to find friends amidst a sea of strangers. It seemed fine at first, and then I noticed that everyone else seemed to agree on these ideas that I'd never heard of before. I was totally blown away the first time I heard some of them talking about how Catholics are going to hell, but nobody else seemed to find the idea unusual. They were talking about personal relationships with Christ, being filled with the Spirit, who was really saved or not, biblical inerrancy, creationism, the rapture, (insert more bullshit rhetoric here), and so on. It didn't really sit well with me, but at the same time it scared the hell out me. What if they were right? What if I'm going to hell for believing in the facts of evolution (which, I learned, were not really facts because the devil planted all those dinosaur bones in the earth to lead us astray).
As I said, their teachings struck me as a little off the wall, but I stuck with the group for over a year. They were so sincere about it, and they believed it all so deeply that I couldn't help feeling that I should believe the same way too. My feelings flip-flopped all the time- I would doubt something I heard in Bible study and think that they had it all wrong. Then I would get those fearful what-if-they're-right feelings, which would lead me to feeling guilty for doubting and praying for forgiveness. This went on over a year.
Then I just woke up and smelled the bullshit. I think it was specifically this one situation when I was sitting with two of my Christian friends. One of them was telling us about how he had this realization that all the accomplishments in his life were all because of God, and had nothing to do with him because he was just nothing, just this insignificant little thing with no power and no redeeming qualities. He was being so horribly self-deprecating, but he and my other friend were acting as though this was the most wonderful thing in the world. I was just sitting there horrified. At that point, I started to confront my doubts. Within a matter of weeks of reading and thinking and finding non-Christian ears to talk to, I was an atheist. I was free, albeit pissed (at them, and at myself for being sucked in to it}.
Incidentally, I ended up majoring in religious studies (those little bastards need someone to keep tabs on them).
|
|
RadioOne
|
2# |
Registered:
07/18/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2005 05:49:55)
Welcome CoffeeCat!
Your story is very similar to mine. The what ifs, the fear...the fundie group (except mine was on-line).
We are a mix of people here, and I hope you enjoy your stay and find the answers for what you are looking.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"You must remember yourself--be acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself in this point in time."
--Dr. Quentin Dinardo, professor
|
|
Voltaire
|
3# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:1490
Registered:
07/08/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/25/2005 08:39:48)
Welcome to Walk Away and thanks for posting your "testimony".
It seemed fine at first, and then I noticed that everyone else seemed to agree on these ideas that I'd never heard of before.
This is a classic cult technique: make a good impression by avoiding all the strange or controversial stuff at first and then slowly introduce it once they have your confidence. Adventists, my own ex-religion, like to avoid the subjects of the sabbath and Ellen White, who they regard as a prophet.
Then I just woke up and smelled the bullshit.
I LIKE the way you put this!
He was being so horribly self-deprecating, but he and my other friend were acting as though this was the most wonderful thing in the world.
I'm glad this is what finally made you realize what a screwed up mess it all was. A lot of people have suffered terribly because of this "I'm nothing and god's everything" teaching. It's a terrible negative influence on a person's self esteem. Why would god want people to govel like begging dogs anyway? It doesn't even make sense.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Zombies, Unicorns, Devils, Sea Monsters, Satyrs, Dragons, Six Winged Angels, Gods, Demons, Witches, Astrologers, A walking & talking snake, Magical fruit, Talking donkeys, human headed six-winged beasts, Ghosts. All that stuff is in the Bible and yet they tell me it"s not mythology?
|
|
Shadowself
|
4# |
Registered:
01/16/2004
Time spent:
1773 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2005 01:55:41)
Welcome to the forum, CoffeeCat. "I just woke up and smelled the bullshit". Ah, but the fresh air of freedom afterwards is worth it. Doubts and where they lead you can be beautiful.
--------------------------------------------------------------
A big revelation in my professional training was that humans can learn skills for living and relating. We don"t have to be desperate for a miracle of God to make us decent.--Marlene Winell
|
|
CoffeeCat
|
5# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:15
Registered:
07/25/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2005 02:29:15)
"This is a classic cult technique: make a good impression by avoiding all the strange or
controversial stuff at first and then slowly introduce it once they have your confidence."
I agree, Voltaire. But what's more disturbing than the 'cult-ness' itself is that many Christians (at least the ones I know) don't even realize what they're doing. They would just see it as waiting until a person is sufficiently mature enough as a Christian to handle the big issues; they don't want to give those kinds of burdens to a "baby Christian." And because the cult "perpetrators" are often just ordinary people (in a sense also "victims" as well), heavy indoctrination can just seem like normal socialization into a new community.
|
|
RadioOne
|
6# |
Registered:
07/18/2004
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/26/2005 03:25:46)
Yeah.
It's amost mind-numbing to think of how brainwashed I was. I was still somewhat brainwashed when I first came to this forum. It's deep, and I really hope I have not harmed anyone by spewing bits of my liquified brain everywhere. I think that the people who are still deep enough in the grips of fundamentalism as to not leave yet are brainwashed. It's like a virus that takes control of a computer and makes it a zombie spitting out information.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"You must remember yourself--be acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself in this point in time."
--Dr. Quentin Dinardo, professor
|
|
Voltaire
|
7# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:1490
Registered:
07/08/2001
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:07/27/2005 05:11:18)
And because the cult "perpetrators" are often just ordinary people (in a sense also "victims" as well)...
You're quite correct they're just ordinary people, but remember most cults also have an active effort to get the current members to recruit new members.
...heavy indoctrination can just seem like normal socialization into a new community.
There is a difference though. It's one thing to hid objectionable ideas from new members. It's quite another thing to withhold information simply to avoid overwhelming the person. In the first case you're trying to avoid telling the absolute truth for fear they might leave; in the other case you're just giving them time to absorb new information.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Zombies, Unicorns, Devils, Sea Monsters, Satyrs, Dragons, Six Winged Angels, Gods, Demons, Witches, Astrologers, A walking & talking snake, Magical fruit, Talking donkeys, human headed six-winged beasts, Ghosts. All that stuff is in the Bible and yet they tell me it"s not mythology?
|
|
shirono
|
8# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:41
Registered:
06/26/2005
Time spent:
0 hours
|
(Date Posted:08/01/2005 18:30:25)
which, I learned, were not really facts because the devil planted all those dinosaur bones in the earth to lead us astray).
the hell they actually said that, what idiots. that is such obvious bullshit.....anyway that sounds bad, I'm glad i got out of christianity before college because all of the people I know now who left after college had serious problems and I already have serious problems i don't need more.
Welcome to....here yeah. we're glad you came and I hope things get better for you while you're here.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I don't care what you are doing, so much as the idiotic way that you are doing it.
- Vincent Valentine- FFVII
Slartibartfast: "I'd rather be happy than right any day"
Arthur: "Are you happy?"
Slartibartfast: "Well...no, and thats where it all falls apart isn't it?"
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
|
| Support us |
Just click the links below and your donations will make a difference here. |
|
|
|
snakechic
|
9# |
Rank:none
Score:0
Posts:3524
Registered:
11/02/2004
Time spent:
6158 hours
|
(Date Posted:09/26/2005 09:14:22)
Reply to coffeecat
One of them was telling us about how he had this realization that all the accomplishments in his life were all because of God, and had nothing to do with him because he was just nothing, just this insignificant little thing with no power and no redeeming qualities. He was being so horribly self-deprecating, but he and my other friend were acting as though this was the most wonderful thing in the world. I was just sitting there horrified.
Sounds like
Ego - ONe
God - Nil
Well played. | | |
