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ocelot1984
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(Date Posted:05/09/2007 11:26:20)
I've been reading this forum occasionally for about a month now. It's really encouraging to read why others have left fundamentalism, though I have been sort of afraid to post anything myself until now. I am shy about writing about personal things and I was afraid someone might find out who I am. All of my family, except one of my brothers, doesn't know that I am not a Christian anymore. I was "saved" when I was seven years old because I was told in children's church that I wouldn't go to heaven if I didn't accept Jesus. My family went to church whenever the doors were open, and I tried really hard to be a good Christian. I went to Christian camp and was in a Sunday night Bible memorization club. I read the whole Bible when I was 12 and thought parts of it were horrible, but I was told that God knew what was good and that I shouldn't question what God did. My mom homeschooled my younger siblings and me. I liked to study, so I finished highschool when I was 15 and went to the college that published our homeschool curriculum when I was 16. When I went there, I was excited about leaving home even though the college was even more strict than my upbringing. I was a pre-law major when I went there, but after a year, I had been sufficiently indoctrinated to decide that I should change my major and become a missionary. I tried had to keep all the rules, but I lived in fear of doing something wrong. Students are encouraged to spy on each other and are rewarded for turning people in. It was not uncommon for students to disappear mysteriously. No one would know why someone had been kicked out. When I was going to graduate, I applied to an evangelical seminary. The college tried to stop me from visiting the seminary because the seminary was too liberal for them (it was actually quite a conservative seminary). I had to say I was going to a job interview and was terrified of being found out and losing all my credits in my senior year. At least they didn't find out and I got into the seminary. At the seminary, since I had more freedom to think, I realized that I believed that God is monstrous and I certainly didn't want to tell anyone else about him. So after a year, I quit the seminary and went to a secular college for a Master's degree. For my two years there, I went to liberal churches and thought I would try to be a liberal Christian, but I couldn't get rid of the fears from fundamentalism. In the past year, I have been doing a lot of reading on the errancy of the Bible, and other problems with Christianity. I have now decided that I don't believe in God at all. If I told my family, I don't know how they would react. My mom was already disappointed that I left seminary and was going to liberal churches. Almost all my relatives are Christian and most of my friends back home are. I've been working in another country for the year, but am going back the the US in about three weeks. I don't know how I will tell my family about what I believe now.
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snakechic
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(Date Posted:05/09/2007 12:25:10)
Hi and a very warm welcome Ocelot 
Would you believe that I also felt quite shy about posting online & for similar reasons - now look at me! (you can't shut me up). I didn't want my christian family to find out either as I'd had fears that their group (penticostals) were still keeping tabs on me. I know now that its quite rational to be afraid of that kind of behaviour - the tracking - the spying etc. but you can protect your identity. Anyway as time passes...things have changed. I no longer feel the need to be so worried.
Sorry for rambling on about myself....I can very much relate to the fear of christian fundamentalism that you mention. I'm glad you found your way here & the courage to post!
It was not uncommon for students to disappear mysteriously
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In exchange for obedience, Christianity promises salvation in an afterlife; but in order to elicit obedience through this promise, Christianity must convince people that they need salvation, that there is something to be saved from. Christianity has nothing to offer a happy person living in a natural, intelligible universe. If Christianity is to gain a motivational foothold, it must declare war on earthly pleasure and happiness, and this, historically, has been its precise course of action. In the eyes of Christianity, woman(man) is sinful and helpless in the face of God, and is potential fuel for the flames of hell. Just as Christianity must destroy reason before it can introduce faith, so it must destroy happiness before it can introduce salvation.
-- George H Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God
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Jezebel Rising
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(Date Posted:05/09/2007 19:40:27)
I tried had to keep all the rules, but I lived in fear of doing something wrong. Students are encouraged to spy on each other and are rewarded for turning people in. It was not uncommon for students to disappear mysteriously.
Although I attended a secular university, I can defintely relate the the lack of privacy I was sucked into a fundy group at college who once I became Christian, considered it their obligation to krep me in line with everything they beleived. If I disclosed a doubt to a close friend, not two days later, it would get to the most prominent girls in the group would confront me about it and ramble on and on about how I was being a bad Christian and in danger of "falling away." To this day, I still fear that her and her clique may be spying on me and I'll get a phone call from her about my "relationship with Christ." In that minsitry, there was no such thing as a right to privacy. The group, and the fundamentalist Baptist church who attandancew was pretty much mandatory for acceptance, took whatever measures they could to shield memnbers form the outside world. Their lives revolved around the social events provided by the church, lest they be corrupted by "the world." But what all this really did was to ensure that they remained a bunch of ignorant bigots who talked about everyone behind their backs and indulged in all sorts in intrigue. One girl has been driven fom the group just for being the ex of another girl's current fiance. And said ex was dating the leader of the group and not ONCE did he stand up for her!Anyway, I'm so relieved that you escaped from such a repressive environment (pages being cut out of books??)and found us. Welcome to the forum, Ocelot84. I think you'll like it here.
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"I"m not a witch, but I wish I was. If I live I"d be a witch now after what they have done. I"ll burn their crops and kill their animals. I"ll stir up such storms. I"ll scatter their ships across the world. If I could meet with the devil right now, I would give him anything for power, for he is the only way to power for women in this world. I shouldn"t have been afraid of Ellen, I should have learnt. Oh, if I only had magic, I"d make them feel it."
Caryl Churchill, "Vinegar Tom"
"It might be the greatest thing ever invented, but if it"s invented, then it"s not worth dying for."
Taj Bachmann, former missionary
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Shadowself
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(Date Posted:05/10/2007 17:37:07)
Welcome to the forum, ocelot1984. I'm sure you'll feel at home here.
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A big revelation in my professional training was that humans can learn skills for living and relating. We don"t have to be desperate for a miracle of God to make us decent.--Marlene Winell
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The Cuteness
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(Date Posted:05/10/2007 18:19:37)
Reply to : ocelot1984
Welcome ocelot, it takes great strength and integrity to turn your back on this stuff. Especially when your family are all still into it. I hope it helps you being here.
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Marquis de Sade (Quills): Are your convictions so fragile they cannot stand in opposition to mine? Is your god so flimsy, so weak? For shame.
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EternalSqueak
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(Date Posted:05/18/2007 10:19:36)
Welcome, friend. 
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Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
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glad 2 be free
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(Date Posted:05/19/2007 05:06:59)
Welcome! I missed out on the joys of a fundy college, but my husband has a worthless degree from Hyles-Anderson College. He was brainwashed, but has recovered nicely.
Your beliefs or lack thereof are no one's business but your own. You do not owe your family any explanations. Any overly nosy questions can be answered with "Why would you want to know?" Not sure how old you are, but I am the mother of two sons ages 22 and 26 and there is a lot in their life that is absolutely none of my business.
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spitfire1979
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08/17/2005
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(Date Posted:09/28/2007 21:03:30)
I'm late coming to this discussion... thanks for your intro, ocelot... i think we went to the same college. PCC? if that's true, i can probably track your steps away from the school and christianity precisely.
our stories are extremely similar ( i was homeschooled, too.) thanks for sharing. i've often wished that the whole place would be flattened and make it an un-option for education. i'm back in colege now, having to get another bachelor's because of PCC's noaccreditation status.
funny, that... they are so staunch against the government incroaching on their business but stand completely for their right to rule over other peoples' affairs. it's crazy, isn't it?
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