Most days, when I wake up, even before I open my eyes, the first conscious thought that enters my mind is usuallly just death, impending doom,  and inescapable calamity wrapped in a generic, abstract packaging--mostly a fearful feeling with no "vision."  Today was different, however.  For some reason, the first thought that entered my mind was Moe Howard's haircut.  I started laughing out loud before I could even get my eyes open...  I thought about how his 'do makes him look like a dick.  I thought about that little robot on Buck Rogers, and how he really looks like a dick.  Then, I imagined how, in the distant future, people might actually want to look like a dick--a fashion statement.  Then I contemplated a dark, dismal, distant future where a race of mutated humans worship The Stooges, but in three distinct sects or cults--with everyone trying to duplicate the appearance and actions of their respective "Stooge God."  Each person trying to achieve a purer, more authentic form of their god.  The Moes vs. The Larrys vs. The Curlys...a hair pullin', eye pokin', belly punchin' battle for religious supremacy that ends in mutual destruction and global death...

Anyway, I knew from these thoughts that today was gonna be different from most of the rest.  God had different things in store for me today...  He has finally felt my pain, and now He has led me to this thread to see Robert Tilton.  Brilliant cinematography--I laughed, I cried, I farted...  Charismatics are great entertainers.  I think Robert Tilton has eclipsed Ernest Angley in his unselfish devotion to God.  Now, if I can just find that video clip I've seen of the fat  kid down on the floor of the front aisle having a Charismatic seizure that ends in him spinning around on his shoulder several times--a la Curly.                

Robert Tilton: The Original "Captain Stabbin." --Poot Out, Or Swim!

Robert Tilton: "Rats Are Eating My Brain!" --Hangover In The Holy Shitty

My, my, my...

Loose lips sink ships

So come aboard for a pleasure trip

It's high tide, so let's ride

The moon is rising and so am I!

I'm gonna get it up

Never gonna let it up

Cruisin' on the seven seas

A pirate of my lovin' needs

I'll never go down, never go down!

So let's get it up

Let's get it up

Get it right up, yeah

Lets's get it up

Right to the top!!

Let's get it up, right now!

Loose wires cause fires

Gettin' tangled in my desires...

So screw 'em up and plug 'em in

Then switch 'em on

And start all over again...

I'm gonna get it up

Never gonna let it up, no

Tickin' like a time bomb, oh yeah

Blowing out the fuse box

I'll never go down, never go down!!

--AC/DC (Anti-Christ/ Devil's Child), "Let's Get It Up"

Somebody needs to make a 3-D computer animation of Robert Tilton singin' this song on his yacht.  While they're at it, he should sing "Rock The Boat," by Hues Corporation,  too.  That'd totally rock!  Damn, I'm drunk...so many teepees to fix...

Captn' Bob's one ugly son of a ...gun - I recon he's hiding a few rats in his hair wig and maybe he's confusin the claws scatchin his head with logical and rational thought? zap!

Charismatism - an undeniable and unscratchable ITCH  for god. Amazingly similar to rats...charismatics eagerly board a sinking stinking ship.

Praise the lawd...I'm a laying hands on my frigde - I believe I deserve a miracle......COMEON REALLY! do people buy that crap?

tamuchly - enjoyed reading  the "rotten' link.

Yeah, "Captain Bob" is certainly a sleazy dork...  Dok's original post here has led me to do some research on Tilton and other high profile televangelists.  I've always viewed Tilton as being a very comical, entertaining figure, along with Ernest Angley, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, John Hagee, and R.G. Stair.  Of course, I'm sure that all the people who gave Tilton large sums of money, and later realized he's a fraud, don't think he's so comical and entertaining.  I'm honestly surprised that not even one of all the millions of people he's screwed over has successfully hunted that sleazy dork down, peformed decapitation, and fed his head to rats.  I don't think that'll happen anytime soon, though.  He's much smarter than his followers, and is even smarter than "the gov'ment."  Tax-exempt status for "non-profit" religious organizations coupled with no obligation to return monetary donations (gifts) to disgruntled donors, makes it a win-win situation for all con-men like Robert Tilton.  It's easy money, and they all look like they're really enjoying themselves, especially "Captain Bob."

Others, like Billy Graham, Jesse Jackson, Charles Stanley, and Al Sharpton are just plain annoying and irritating to me, especially that damned whining, pestering Charles Stanley.  "Listen, let me tell ya somethin'--blah blah blah nah nah nah poop."  Over and over and over again...     

Gene Scott, on the other hand, is different from all the rest.  Watching him used to make me wanna slash my wrists and drive screws into my forehead with a cordless drill.  In doing the research, I found out that he died almost a year ago, 2-21-05 I think, at Glendale Adventist Hospital.  I'm contemplating throwing an anniversary party.  Anyway, according to one report, he had previously donated $20,000 to the hospital.  I can't believe they accepted his money.  This says something about the current state of the adventist church.  The adventist church is infinitely more subtle and deviant than any of the churches represented by Gene Scott or any of the others.  Also, while reading up, Glendale Adventist Hospital sounded familiar to me, so I did a little more searching and found out that was where "The Angel Of Death," Efren Saldivar worked.  Maybe there is still some good left--still an "Angel Of Death" there that did me a huge favor and helped that insane wretch find his maker.

Dr. Gene Scott: "Born To Rot."

Dr. Gene Scott: "Supertelevangelisticgrumpyandprecocious." 

Dr. Gene Scott: "Specialist In Non-Surgical Lobotomies--Get Yours Here!" 

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Tax-exempt status for "non-profit" religious organizations

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That really pisses me off.!!! Big Time!

Talk about "freedom of religion"....fuck NO!...Through my taxes I contribute to those baastards! Ok...I'm though cussin'...but heck! the amount of money 'religon' costs the general population is obscene. Even without counting the 'contributions' from the religious punters its worth setting up a 'non -profit' tax declaration/category for business. Charity organisations! Huh?..................yeah research that bit and boyo' you'll be pissed offed big time as I was.

Never heard of Gene Scott until now - he wanted to be 'special' and better than any old telewevil - glad he's dead! I can't understand why people listen to him YELLING 'don't you ever learn....DUMB HEADS" and then send him money? Well...he's selling god isn't he....Dr. Scott warns: "If you get too smart with God, he might let you live this next year without him so you can see the difference." Gawd blimey...he's borrowing that tactic from the old catholics..hey matey!

I couldn't listen to much of the bastards sermon. (yeah you're right unless you want a lobotomy).....it sounds like he was borrowing from the SDA'ist doctrine as well.....eeeeew! great way to screw the masses..throw everything  at em'.

15,000 members, makes the pesters I know of in Aust look very foolish ..HAHAHA - but I surely recognise the attitude.... "'Among the tunes Scott occasionally orders up is "Kill a Pissant for Jesus.". Fuck that's gross! and people look up to him? He's a genius for giving the public what they want to hear methinks.....who said christians don't use crude, abusive, profanities!

Haven't heard of "The Angel Of Death," Efren Saldivar <shrugs> but I've definately heard of Ellen WHite - talk about an 'angel of death'....

speaking of deconverting.......

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it's a sin not to give AT LEAST 10% of their income to the church then they shouldn't have any problem accept 20 grand from a multimillionaire, scummy though he may be.

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I think that's one of the main reasons my folks left the SDA'ist chruch back in the early 1970's - The SDA'ist pastor/ heirarchy enjoyed a liiittle bit tooo much conspicuous consumption - like big houses and brand new flash cars..while the rest of the congregation (struggling immigrants) were happy to offer him their best cakes when he called for tea!!!

That's kind of evidence is in plain view.............like a very rich wife because you've transferred your assets to her name! If only people choose to see!

Enjoyed your research!! tanks.

Here's my favorite  telewevil.... check out the gross display of wealth (diamond)

Byw...has he said sorry yet and got back on air? http://www.hallindseyoracle.com/

...love research!

edits...weevil has 2 ee's?

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I always thought that Benny Hinn's hair could rise up and walk away under it's own power.

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Benny Hin looks like he's doing something perverse to that microphone.

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Heehee....yeah!

Whats with all the teleweevils...females included...that they have BIG HAIR? (closer to gawd?)

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The SDA'ist pastor/hierarchy  enjoyed a liiittle bit tooo much  conspicuous consumption--like big houses and brand new flash cars..while the rest of the congregation (struggling immigrants) were happy to offer him their best cakes when he called for tea!!!

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Yeah, Snakechic, they won't wear jewelry, but they won't hesitate to drive $75,000 BMW's to church either.  What's the fuckin' difference??  And the one elected to teach the "New Believers," no less!!!  I knew more about adventism than any of  the other "New Believers."  I considered the label to be an insult.  Fact is, I knew more about adventism than most of the "Old Believers!!"  I was a disciple of Joe Crews (Amazing Facts), which I later learned was the "Black Sheep" faction of the SDA church (I learned too late).  I knew about what I call "The Great Controversy" surrounding the 1888 Message--all on my own--with my own brain!  I asked my teacher about this once, and he said kinda nervously, "Oh, you know about that?!  Well, we'll have to dicuss it as a class sometime."  I was there, every sabbath, for several months.  We never did discuss it, at least not before I left...

  And I knew about Mr. Ford.  I learned so many dark secrets about the adventist church through "toll free" publications sent to me from people I didn't even know!  Most likely, from people I mingled with every sabbath.  Did they think me stupid?  Did they think I wouldn't read and just throw in the trash, like they do?  They blast their own bloody heads off with their own words, for those who will just bother to read their own written shit that used to come in my mailbox all the time, unsolicited...  I still consider adventists to be, intellectually,  heads and shoulders above almost all other fundamentalists.  But I knew too much--I shut my emotions down and let my brain take control, and now...I Deserve A Michelob!                   

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Yeah, Snakechic, they won't wear jewelry, but they won't hesitate to drive $75,000 BMW's to church either. What's the fuckin' difference??And the one elected to teachthe "New Believers," no less!!! I knew more about adventism thananyof the other "New Believers." I considered the label to be an insult. Fact is, I knew more about adventism than most of the "Old Believers!!" Iwas a disciple of Joe Crews (Amazing Fac

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I admire your research, study and independence!.  I know bugger all about the SDA'ist really (that's how come I'm here on the net..Intially at least).......although I was brought up in a very strict SDAist family who deconverted when I was about 12yrs....nothing much changed at home except the name of the church we attended was now Baptist.....<shrugs> I was too young to 'know'..and lucky to have escaped 'bible school'....phew! Ellenwhites..family values. were enough to get stuck in my craw.....and fuck up a kids outlook on life for awhile!

Yeah...that term 'new believer' is an insult....I was called  a "Baby sheep" to my face by my siblings 'revival' pentie chruch ...Fuck off I say!

It it worthwhile looking up the names you've mentioned Joe & Mr. Ford (never heard of them) ?  I'm happy if you tell me about it thou' ......the 'great conspiricy'..is about it for me...and

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They blast their own bloody heads off with their own words, for those who will just bother to read their own written shit that used to come in my mailbox all the time, unsolicited... I still consider adventists to be, intellectually, heads and shoulders above almost all other fundamentalists. But I knew too much--I shut my emotions down and let my brain take control, and now...I Deserve A Michelob!

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Guess what!...not only are the SDA ist spreading the 'word' via those crap pamphlets....they are also advertising a series of Video's on TV here in AUst. I didn't catch most of the info, I was too surprised but  it looked like the video's  are the 'same old same old' kind of shit! prophesy and more prophesy!

I don't know about that..SDAist being superior? .I think every denomination of fundamentalism thinks of themselves as 'head and shoudler's above the rest'...thats the whole point of being a member ....to feel that 'elitism' or  " I am special' payoff that all fundies groups offer. But...like Volt says ...who cares when the base of it all comes from the same place - the bibble!  As an ex member (a born into member)  I personally don't give a rats arse <shrug>

Lastly...my idea is that it doesn't matter what the doctrine is or what the ideals of the denomination was in its inception.....as well as it being all about money and membership, the main factor is how the individual interprets his or her religion and how they pass it on and practise it. In other words ...adventism is based on faith and nothing to do with 'intellect' anyway...?...and is it 'intelligent' to be able to follow the precepts of adventism.? Or.....shove pamphets in peoples letterboxes or send on mass emails... Yeah Its a hoot alright!

Volts said....

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I also like the way that so far they've had little inclination to throw their weight around politically.

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Yeah metoo! The evangelicals are giving the whole religion game a really  bad name! Blame that on the gospel of wealth - penties are doing that circus act very well.

 Globally ...its certain that god is an american!

Edits...Joe writes those crappy little books! Thank gawd! we didn't get that shit on radio in Australia!

The adventists have the" best" illustrations - 10 out of 10 for lameness Hightly surreal and to me, quite childlike!

"And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven... Saying with a loud voice Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come:"......

Speaking of the 'gospel of wealth'...

Do the adventists still hold firmly to the below rules....

Quotes..The official SDA standing on Jewellery according to the "Handbook of Seventh-day Adventist Theology" page 707-708

"The Christian position on personal ornamentation is of particular concern. While most Christians today see little or nothing objectionable in wearing jewelery, biblical instruction leads away from the practice."

(The following is abbreviated from the above mentioned book)

Once again, thanks Snakechic for providing that last link.  I read every bit of it...  And now, for something completely different--ummm, wait, actually it's just more of the same...

http://media.putfile.com/Laughing-yoga

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Yeah, Snakechic, they won't wear jewelry, but they won't hesitate to drive $75,000 BMW's to church either. What's the fuckin' difference??

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During my 30 years in various SDA congregations, I noticed that while physicians are revered in the SDA Church most others who have succeeded in the fields of business, law, accounting, banking, etc. are considered to have sold their souls to the devil for "filthy lucre". The conferences love to rake in the 10+% of their few wealthy members all the while railing against money and consumerism. They are expected to fork over hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars to the "lord's work" and then let a handful of professional clergymen and "laymen" who couldn't administer an afternoon tea party preside over the funds. And heaven forbid if the wealthy donor actually has some ideas of his own as to how the money should be spent - he's "rebelling" because the "lord" appointed the pipsqueaks on the conference committees to make these decisions.

Save for a few isolated pockets such as Southern California, where there are an abundance of wealthy SDAs, SDA average income is well below the national average. My experience with SDAs is that the tend to strive for mediocrity in all of life's endeavors.

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Once again, thanks Snakechic for providing that last link. I read every bit of it... And now, for something completely different--ummm, wait, actually it's just more of the same...http://media.putfile.com/Laughing-yoga

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Thank you Sir...I loved the laughing guru! Very good! and yep that SDA'ist chatroom I linked to,  is a doosey for sure. Its something I've had stashed in my favourites and haven't removed even after John G kinda warned me.... that Ted guy who runs the show is a total 'nutjob'!!! 

But heck they have great references! (saves me time)

Volt says....

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 I also wonder why with all this teaching about wealth, jewelry, and living a plain lifestyle they never seem to grasp the irony of planning to live in heaven in the future. They believe they'll be walking street of transparent gold in the New Jerusalem, wearing crowns and beautiful robes, living in mansions, and in general have unimaginable wealth and unimaginable time to enjoy it. If it's sinful to be wealthy on earth then why isn't it a sin in heaven? Besides after a few trillion years is

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Yes....its interesting how these threads on SDA'ism stimulates my memories of the past. The visions of "gold' is one of those clear flashbacks/memory. I recall the look on my mothers face as she recited that stuff to herself. (She loved jewelry) and her face 'shone' with Hope and joy - where would religion be without  the hope for a better life/future and promises of  treasures in heaven but meanwhile give 10% to the church now...and watch how the 'chruch' gets rich. The "chruch' is 'heaven' on earth ...isn't that the base message?...that 'we must stick together in order to gain access to the next level? - I gather that to suffer is divine for the SDA'ist'. ?

Has this changed I wonder...since the inception or my time with the SDA'ist...apparantly not , if JGalts'  more current impressoin of the SDA'ist is 'mediocrity'.

As well as 'mediocrity' the impression I had of life as a SDAist was that the world is a very scary place, full of torments, not to be trusted, and its best to keep very quiet and fade into the background of society. For sometime I had thought it was as a result of the post war attitudes etc......however I think its more as a result of the SDA'ist doctrine now that I've read and experienced more about fundism. I guess it also ties in with 'suffering' and not acquiring or striving for excellence or too much wealth. - Can't say for sure thou'

May I also add that wealth is ok...as long as the SDA'ist hides it from other's. My father managed to accumilate a fairly substantial reserve that even I didn't know the extent of until both parents died.

I'm interested to read how SDAism is in the 'mother country' ....here in the antipodes it seems quite depressed...poorer!

P.s. I hope I'm not going on and on....I guess the attitude of SDA'ist towards the rich  evangelicals who proudly teach the 'gospel of wealth'...is of distain? At least it was when I was home...and can I mention the attitude towards the Catholic's riches on earth?...gold dripping in their chruches and hanging off their necks....again..Volt..it does seem very odd for Adventists to look forward to the same stuff in 'heaven'..

perhaps its the christian  sin of envy  

JohnG says......

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I noticed that while physicians are revered in the SDA Church most others who have succeeded in the fields of business, law, accounting, banking, etc. are considered to have sold their souls to the devil for "filthy lucre". The conferences love to rake in the 10+% of their few wealthy members all the while railing against money and consumerism. They are expected to fork over hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars to the "lord's work" and then let a handful of professional clergymen and "laymen" who couldn't administer an afternoon tea party preside over th

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Yes.....coming from a family of 'daughter's' the best marriage catch was considered to be a  SDAist DR.  We had one calling at our house once....... my older sister ended up marrying a brick layer.  I can assure you that the parents were not happy at all. In not so many words the 'filthy lucre' suddenly become very important! That and social status.

Anyway.....as well as the dollar donations that's expected from wealthy  or professional members. I recall the amount of time my father offered without payment to work on SDA'ist building projects around the State in the 1960's when the 'church' was expanding here. I think he enjoyed the accolades and the prestige of being responsible for the design , supervision etc...we were held in high regard as a SDA'ist family. A lot of people came to my father for advice because he was one that  had 'succeeded' ..........at least in terms of a migrant entering a new society.

I wasn't privey to what went on in the 'tea parties' where decisions were made but...no joke! I know they actually did have  tea parties!  Thats so funny!

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Hey, Voltaire, have you ever received anything in the mail from Davidians?No I never got anything in the mail from that bunch. When they died I read everything I could about them; what a mess! Another interesting this is that one of my distant relatives died with them!Have you ever heard of Charles Wheeling? I went to Chicago once and gave away thousands of copies of his version of the Great Controversy.

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I haven't received anything from the Davidians in about 4 years---until just last week...  I' ve never requested information from them, never contacted them at all.  I don't have a clue about who has put me on their mailing list...  I suspect someone in the SDA Church, or possibly even COG7.  It took me awhile the first time just to figure out who the hell they are...  The pamphlet  (same as first time) is entitled "The WHIRLWIND Of The LORD.  WAR!"  There's a picture of the earth, and a mighty tornado, and a red sword.  On the sword are the words: "The Sword Of The Lord."  Blood is dripping off the end of it...  It's funny, 'cause I was thinking about them only 2 or 3 days before I got this again in the mailbox--after 4 years!  It's a good thing I'm so far removed from religion now, or else I'd think it a "divine message from God."

The reason it was so difficult to figure out who the hell they are is because there is no mention of their name on the pamphlet--only on the back it says, "The Universal Publishing Assn., Bashan Hill...Exeter MO--absolutely no mention of them being Davidians.  I did some huntin' on the 'net and found out they are, officially, the "Davidian Seventh-day Adventist Association,"  which is different from the "General Association Of Davidian Seventh-day Adventists" who are based in Salem, SC.  Haha!!  And I'm sure there are other Davidian groups in addition to these.  It's funny how SDA's have purposely distanced themselves from Davidians, and even the Davidians are afraid to call themselves Davidians for fear of being associated with David Koresh!  Actually, they are not all that different from one another...  I did read all 27 pages of the pamphlet, originally published in 1964.  Lots of SOP quotes in there, also several quotes from "The Shepherd's Rod."  I'm sure these are mostly fine folks who just got "sick and tired of the apostasy" of the GCoSDA's.  Maybe that's the reason for all the indifference we encountered, Voltaire.  Factor in:  1) The "converted" baptists who suddenly decide to start obeying commandment #4, but refuse to give up membership in the Masons/Eastern Star, 2) Lifelong SDA's who deny the SOP, 3)Closet Davidians who can't/won't drive 800 miles round-trip to the nearest Davidian church every sabbath, 4)Informants planted by the Catholic Church.  Heheheh!  I know I left some group out...  "Game Over."

Not long after Waco, near my Walk Away from Adventism, I got on the 'net and somehow found autopsy photos of most of the victims.  "What a mess," indeed...  It's a shame that it had to come to that.  But Koresh was presenting "Present Truth."  It's odd how in SDA circles somebody is always pointing out how you're not heeding "Present Truth."  And there's always somebody willing to show you what the "Present Truth" is.  Very dangerous stuff...

Never heard of Charles Wheeling.  I haven't done a search...was it GC with a commentary by him?  I have an interesting story about my reception of The Great Controversy.  It marked my transition from simply believing the adventist message to acting upon it...                

Reply to : Voltaire 

Well, I'll be damned!!  "America In Prophecy" is the one and only copy of The Great Controversy that I've ever had!  On the front cover, mine says, "#1 Best-Seller, Perhaps the most controversial and provocotive book of this century."  Haha!  I got it in '96, I'm pretty sure.  As I said before, it marked my transition from simply believing the adventist message to acting upon it.  I had been introduced to adventism by Joe Crews in the early 90's.  I started making changes in my life from the very beginning, almost immediately, but I didn't become a baptized, sabbath-observing, tithing member of the SDA church until after I read this book.  I could definitely sense the urgency of the message.  Of all the "new believers" in my class, I was the first to be baptized.  I already knew that I was way ahead of them.  I found out later that I was way ahead of almost everybody else, to the point where I started finding errors in adventism, christianity, and religion in general--and I just couldn't ignore them.  This was "The Great Disappointment."

Anyway, my pastor visited with me at home before baptism, of course.  I related how this book changed my life and  mentioned that my copy of The Great Controversy was "retitled" (yes, I used that word) "America In Prophecy."  I talked about the incredible circumstances surrounding my reception of the book...  I was met with indifference by him though, but I didn't fully realize it at the time.  From what you've told me, Voltaire, I think he must've known about Charles Wheeling, even though I didn't, and therefore, he didn't have anything to say...  It's funny how SDA's always want to present themselves as being a merry bunch of unified believers when they are, in fact, just the opposite...I found out too late.  Even Joe Crews, the olde-tyme SDA "hardliner," who I thought was THE most honest of the honest--one of the most honest people on the whole planet, lied about this one little "Amazing Fact!"

I thought all of your comments very interesting, Voltaire.  I have to get ready for work now, but I'll get back to ya in a couple of days, okay?